Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
