I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They took my balls.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
