Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
