i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just gargled with NyQuil
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