I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
