ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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