I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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