I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
