im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
