There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
