if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize