Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
