Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
