I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this is an emotional support booty call
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
