her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
