Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize