ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She told me I should be a condom model.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
