Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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