this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
