i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
