sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
