Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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