Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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