the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
