i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
