Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As shirtless as possible
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
