I smell stomach acid.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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