i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
