his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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