Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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