I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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