Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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