where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Quick, to the slutcave!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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