So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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