Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
