look no pants
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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