I need to stop coming to work sober
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
