meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
