i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is wine microwaveable?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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