Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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