so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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