I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize