I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
