1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize