I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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