This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
