I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
