I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize