One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
