I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
