Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
