she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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