I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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