is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
