After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
