You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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