to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize