all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
