He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
