It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
