More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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