You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
