Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
