you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
