Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
