well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
